Babies

No, I'm not pregnant.  Babies, pregnancy and procreating seem to be a theme around me and it's got me thinking about a lot.


It's important to know that according to my tax filing this year I am "single".  I live with my boyfriend of 20 months and he's awesome.  There is no ring on the finger.  I would prefer to be married before I get pregnant (I don't judge others who don't do it in that order though).  So this is how this whole baby thing got in my head: 


A month ago I was struggling during a hard brick workout* (think lots of hills, 100+ rpms, then lunges, then  running hills on a treadmill, and then repeat).  Three quarters of the way through the workout I had to excuse myself due to some nausea.  My coaches response was "Are you pregnant".  


"Uhmmmmm, NO!" I'm not. In fact, I'm not even married, or engaged.  So no, there is nothing cooking in the oven.  I was a little taken back by the question.  No offended, just didn't expect it.  So I was talking about it with a friend (who has three kids all in Elementary school) on the drive home that evening and her response was "Tory, your 27, this is the time when woman are getting pregnant in their life.  You were nauseous, so she asked you if you were pregnant."  


Then a couple of weeks later I was not feeling super hot so and didn't want to drink while I was out with some friends.  Upon turning down a glass of wine and telling them that I just haven't been feeling well and am really tired someone asks "well, are you pregnant".  Again I respond with "Uhmmmmm, NO!".  


Then another incident happens where I again am not feeling that hot and my boyfriend asks if I'm pregnant.   My response was "No, WE are not pregnant".


In addition to those incidents I found out that some of my friends are pregnant, thinking about getting pregnant or trying to plan when they want to be pregnant. This is so awesome.  So all this talk of pregnancy has started to get me thinking about when I would like to have a baby.  I'm not thinking about in terms of time or age, (But I get that it's very important variable for women and pregnancy), but more in terms of reaching a certain stage in my life.  

Right now I love my life (yes you should all be jealous, hahaha).  My average week is filled with 37.5 hours of working at a finance job that keeps me on my toes but doesn't cause major stress, hanging out with my boyfriend on the couch, cooking dinner with him, walking the dog, going out to eat or to the movies with friends, 9 hours of triathlon training (which will go up as I get closer to the event), an occasional manicure and pedicure, and a bunch of fun email chains between me and girlfriends making fun of pop culture and whatever we can find on the internet to take a dig at.    I'm living with an awesome boyfriend (Monkey) who is supportive of me, my career and my athletic goals.   For the record, Monkey thinks that I am clinically insane for doing an Ironman, and even more insane for doing it again.   He doesn't love that during the summer I will be spending 8 hours working out, but he gets that it makes me happy and he likes seeing me happy. He was my biggest supporter throughout the training last year and having him on the course was an incredible feeling.   In the other areas of my life, my job is challenging but it doesn't take over my life.  I have friends both in the endurance sports arena and out of them who are good people, make me laugh, and are always supportive and there for me during the good and bad days.  I have an awesome set of parents who I talk to 3-4 times a week and a brother and sister who I feel extremely close with even though they live in Atlanta and Palo Alto.  My extended family is mostly healthy (which I am grateful for).  The one area of my life I don't love (I actually hate) right now is that my Uncle has relapsed and is fighting Multiple Myeloma.  You will learn more about him (and the motivation he provides me during training) in another blog post.  I promise.

So I can't help but think that if I was to add a baby to the mix that life would change dramatically.  No more lazy couch time, no more big dinners out on the town followed by a bar night, no more mani/pedis when I wanted.  I think the biggest area that would change though is my training.  I just can't see having the time to train for an Ironman.  Perhaps I won't want to, perhaps all my priorities will change and I won't have the fire inside that drives me to train for races.  Perhaps I will spend time as a spectathalete.

I just think can help but think that if I had a 6 month old I would not be running off to the gym for 2 hours, or participating in a 3 day race that's in the middle of nowhere Ohio, or taking a nice vacation to St. Croix for spring break, or having brunch in Boystown, or doing an 8 hour ride in the middle of Wisconsin.  I'm not ready to give that up.  I know there are super moms out there who can do it both. By both I mean have a young baby and do intense triathlon training.  I'm not sure I have the "super" in me to be as organized as those women are.  So for the time being, I will continue to think of a baby as something that will make if difficult for me to train.   Even more importantly, I'm not ready to stop being selfish.  I like things the way they are right now.  The fact that the first thing that comes to mind when someone says "Baby" is exhaustion and no more races means that I'm not even close to wanting a baby in my life, yet.

I think that once I go through a some more seasons of racing I will be ready to put the bike on the rack and switch my priorities.  I know there will be a time when I'm ready to do that.  I know this because I've always been someone who (eventually) gets to the next stage in life.  I know that when I get there, I will be ready and I won't think about a baby as just exhausting and taking away from my "me" time.   Instead I will think of it as a  blessing and a joy.  Something that I can't wait to do.  I see my friends who are either pregnant or planning on it and from what I can tell as their friend, they are ready to become moms.  They have gone through the me time and are ready to move into that period of life.  I'm happy for them, I'm just not at that point right now.  I'm having too much fun.