"Tory Harper YOU ARE ALREADY AN IRONMAN"

I signed up for my first Ironman on September 10, 2009. There were lots of reasons to do it, but mostly I just wanted to earn the title of Ironman, I wanted to run across the finish line and hear "Tory Harper YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!"


I signed up for my second Ironman on September 13, 2010. I am still trying to figure out why I signed up. What will Mike Reilly say this year? "Tory Harper, YOU ARE AN IRONMAN AGAIN" or "Tory Harper, YOU ARE AN IRONMAN TIMES TWO" or "Tory Harper, YOU ARE ALREADY AN IRONMAN"


I've been having some trouble getting motivated for Ironman training to begin.  I train with a group that meets twice a week, Tuesday night for a brick (bike/run) workout and Friday mornings for a swim.  Last week was our first official week of Ironman training.  Unfortunately (or fortunately) our Tuesday night brick workout was cancelled to do Snowmaggedon 2011.


Tonight was my first class. I wasn't looking forward to it.  Ironman training is slow and long. Every week we build our workouts by 15 - 30 minutes.  We are preparing our bodies to workout for 12+ hours (or in my case 14 hours+).  Each workout is about training our bodies to work as efficiently as possible so we can keep moving forward.  This means we run at a pace where our heart rate stays low enough we can hold a conversation.  We ride for 7+ hours as a part of the training.  I've been struggling to get motivated for the long and slow season which is Ironman training.  I've been trying to nail down why I'm struggling to get motivated for this season.  Part of me says I'm just dreading the time commitment, the long weekend rides, or the 15 mile runs on Wednesday morning before work. Another part of says I'm dreading the patience it takes to slowly build up to the Ironman distance, It takes 20-24 weeks to go from working out 7.5 hours a week to 19-20 hours.  Most importantly, I dread the exhaustion that comes along with holding a full time job, trying to be a good girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend, etc., and training for an Ironman.


There is an exhaustion that comes with training for Ironman and I still am not sure I can handle that again. It is a necessary part of training ourselves to be physically and mentally prepared for race day. Ironman is about asking our bodies to function under extreme exhaustion.  In fact, their is no such thing as running on fresh legs during Ironman training.  Last June a guy in my group posted on Face book "I just want to run on fresh legs".  My coach responded with "Welcome to Ironman training".  In the race you will be running a marathon after a 2.4 mile swim and a 112 mile bike ride.  There is nothing "fresh" about that.  If I didn't train under exhaustion how could I possibly expect my body to run a marathon after having pushed you 114.4. miles.  To help you understand I remember being so exhausted last July and August that in every aspect of my life (work, personal relationships, workouts) I could only think about the current day. I couldn't even look forward in my workout schedule. For me, training was MUCH harder than race day.  It was harder to get myself out of bed every Saturday morning at the crack of dawn to go riding in the summer's heat, or hop in Lake Michigan at Ohio Street Beach at 5:45 so finish a swim and still get to work on time.  Every time I wanted to sleep in I would tell myself "This is what it takes to be an Ironman"  or "You have to earn the title of Ironman, if it was easy than everyone would do it".   My motivation was centered around earning the title.  So fast forward to this year.  I've earned the title of Ironman.  I proudly wear my "Finisher" jacket and keep my facebook profile pic as the photo of me crossing the finish line.  So what do I tell myself when I have to get out of bed at 4:45 and walk the dog so I can get to swim practice (and it's 4 degrees out)


I guess part of me is scared about the coming months.  It's hard, there will be pain, in fact I know this pain.  I don't have to prove to myself I can handle the pain.  I've done it before.  I guess the question is . . . can I handle it again?  Can I handle the pain when I know what it feels like?  It's one thing when you sign up for it and you don't know what it will feel like.  It's another thing when you sign up for it having experienced the pain before.


So tonight during my class I thought a lot about why I signed up to race Ironman again and why I'm struggling to find motivation. I was in a room where the majority of the people were training for Ironman for the first time.  You could see the excitement in everyone's eyes, there is an eagerness, a hunger, a nervousness when you start training.  I can remember the feelings I had during my first class and it was fun to feel that in others.  It was sad that I didn't feel it in myself.  For me,  It was just a normal Tuesday night. In fact, in 2010 there were 52 Tuesday and all but about 17 were spent in that gym (I say 17 because I can count 15 that I wasn't at the gym because I wasn't training at that time.  Then I know that there were a two other training sessions I missed due to travel or a rest week).  Last night my coach went around and asked everyone why they signed up for an Ironman.  She did this last year so I wasn't shocked.  She skipped over me and when I called her out on it she replied with "I already know why your doing it, you told me last year".  Then, realizing what she said she proceeded to ask me why I signed up for Ironman again. I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, I'm bored.


So after she moved on I really thought about it, and I proceeded to think about it on the train home.  A few things came into my head:  Boredom, to say I wasn't a one and done, to stay in shape (this is a BAD reason), because I'm in my twenties, not married, don't have kids and have disposable income,  All decent reasons.  The real reason started to become apparent.   I signed up for Ironman because I need to prove to myself that I can do it twice, prove to myself that even when I know how hard something is, I can still get it done. When faced with a difficult challenge I don't run away.  It's easy to sign up with you don't know how bad the pain is, but can you sign up when you do know.  Last year when I trained, I trained out of fear, fear that I would not finish.  Each workout was a new experience, I was adding more distance each weak and the pain was something new.   Doing it twice means that I'm not afraid of the pain, or the time commitment, or the risk that race day won't go as well as it did last year.   Most importantly, it means I'm not afraid of the vulnerability and risks that come with Ironman training.


Let the pain begin!